[crazy day part II]

Here's what I said, yelling it:
"Dad you drink every f--in day, don't tell me you weren't drunk and passed out when she left. I am so sick of hearing you tell me how hard it is...I know how it is, it isn't that hard!

He said, yelling back:
"No you don't know what it's like, you don't! It's hard you don't have an f--in clue!

Me, screaming:
YES I DO! I know how to take care of a kid and keep a kid safe! You act like she's an invalid and you have to feed her and stuff. I took care of your mother, fed her, changed her, you barely visited her. You don't know what's it like to be a caregiver, all you know is how to receive.

He said:
No you don't know what it's like..it's been a bad year for me

Me, yelling:
Yeah, it's been a bad year for you. Why is that. You are doing this to yourself. Can't you see that?

He said:
I'm at the end of my rope, I'm done:

I said:
Fine, then let me pick [my step mom] up and then you can kill yourself.

He said:
I can't take it anymore..[not acknowledging me telling him to go ahead]

I said:
I'm sick of hearing you talk like that. Where is my dad who appeared strong, I never seen you so weak in my life. You act likfe an f--in mouse, not a man!

You can run away and leave her with the state to deal with, but I promise you, if you keep doing what you're doing, the shit is going to follow you wherever you go. She'll be fine, but you'll still have shit.

Yelling still me:
I haven't heard you say you are at 'rock bottom'..that means, there is more coming unless you break your own cycle. You are depressed you drink get more depressed fall asleep and can't remember shit and that is dangerous for her.

You have to stop drinking you are nothing but an F--in drunk! Can't you see it, it's all YOUR fault!!!!

He said:
I know you're right but it's hard for me its not that easy.

I said:
Then go to the doctors and get on methenome or something..

He said:
I'm not doing that shit.

I guess I have to do this on my own.

I said:
Let me come now and pick her up..don't be yelling at her.

He said:
No

...can't remember how I left it, but it definitely felt good!
I had to call my brothers and tell them I finally spoke my peace!!

My brother told me if anything happens, I should not feel responsible..I spoke my peace~ I don't at all feel that way. I have no respect for a 'cop' out suicide...and besides, he's too much of coward to do it anyway!