A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.
Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was
dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a
boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?"

Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my
bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me
feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my
boyfriend."

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible.
She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus.
Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix
the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the
door, and there stood Grandma's minister.

The minister said, "Hello, son, is your Grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her
boyfriend."

The Cleveland Cavs are on soon. First championship game ever for Cleveland. I want to watch the game, but I just can’t stand the thought of watching it alone again. Its not as exciting that way.

I had a very challenging day today, and I'm feeling like I'm not needed.

I went to the grocery store, then decided to stop and watch the Cavs game at a sports club next door. I had all my groceries in the car, which is really easy to load with the top down!

I proceeded to walk in, and directly outside the door was an elderly couple. The gentleman was sitting on a bucket with a cane in his hand. He extended his hand to shake mine, and asked me if I recognized him. “Do you know who I am?” he said. “No I don’t think so.” I said. “I’m the greeter at Wall Mart.” He said. Well I just about hit the floor. (see Bomb Threat at Wall Mart post) God certainly does have a sense of humor!

I asked him how he was able to still work after the bomb threat commotion. He told me he was on vacation! Then he said that him and his wife were waiting for a cab. They didn’t realize that the Cavs were going to be on tonight and they couldn’t get a cab for another hour.

So I told them I would drive them home. I went to my car, put all the groceries in the trunk, and went up to pick them up.

They were so excited when I pulled up in my car with the top down. “Oh, what a life saver you are.” They kept saying. “This is going to be so nice. I never road in a car like this.” They were so excited you would have thought they were in high school again on their first date.

I was so happy I was able to give them that joy. I gave them my card and my phone number and told them to call me anytime they needed a ride.

Apparently Larry is 85 years old, and decided he should give up driving because he was having a hard time seeing. (Larry, me and the rest of the world thank you for making that choice!)

Thanks again God for the car!

May today there be peace within.

May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.

May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.

May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.

It is there for each and every one of us.

My 'visitation' vacation with my children is coming up this week. I am looking forward to it, although, I will miss seeing my BFF while I'm away.

I realized today, that I have to go on travel for work during my vacation with my children. Since it's a 'court ordered' vacation (sorry for the quotes), I have to abide by that vacation order, unless my ex agrees to reschedule.

I talked to my BFF and I was hopeful (at least more optimistic than I had been in the past) that my ex would be accommodating, and let me split my week of vacation with my kids this month.

When I finally spoke to my ex about it, he wouldn't exactly say 'sure no problem', but I did get a "I don't think that will be a problem, we'll see".

'We'll see'. 'We'll see'. What am I 10 years old, 'We'll see'. I always tell my nieces and nephews, "when mom says 'we'll see', that probably means no!"

So I joked about it to myself, yeah 'we'll see' means no. But I was still hopeful. Still giving him the benefit of the doubt. Knowing that my heart was saying....."don't trust him, don't trust him". He never is that accommodating to you unless there's something in it for him.

Then he proceeds to tell me how expensive it will cost to come up with money for a baby sitter this summer. Now I pay child support, and my agreed upon child support (the amount I actually pay) is higher than my court order child support. I do feel bad when my ex has money issues, even though he makes plenty between my child support and my brother's rent (long story), he just doesn't know how to manage the money. But that isn't my fault, or is it?

According to him, its all my fault, because I divorced him in the first place and put him in this unbearable living condition!

So anyways, because I am afraid of him, and I want him to see me for the genuine person that I am...I go out of my way to appease my ex, even when I know in my heart, he's manipulating me into appeasing him. But I take the bite anyways….

So this was one of those times. He gave me the sob story that poor 'father of the year' can't 'afford' the summer babysitter...blah blah blah.... so I say, no problem...I'll pay your sitter. (thinking in my head, 'just please give me the kids.')

Then I go home and get a phone call. Apparently my ex received his mail. I had recently asked the courts for mediation so that I can get our divorce papers changed for 2 small reasons. (Mediation is all free, but legally binding if both parties agree to change the court ordered papers). Memorial day and labor day are both granted to him for weekends forever....regardless of who's weekend it is. Which leaves me without my kids for 3 weekends in a row at the beginning and ending of every summer. So all I wanted to do, was get it in writing that he would switch with me. (Perfect timing!)

He called me and asked me what it was all about. Apparently he read his mail after he got home, and right after he said 'we'll see' to me.

I immediately got all tongue tied...I said "Oh, Oh, it's nothing, it's just about the visitation, alternating......" He hangs up!

So I call him back, he answers, I say, "It's nothing, really, it's just about (still tongue tied) Memorial....". Then he says "you'll never get anything, nothing will change!!" he hangs up again. Wow, those words, "you'll never get anything". I heard those words for 5 years now. I am still facing the fear of those threats. I know he's wrong. I know in the past 5 years, eventually, I did get something. I'm not living in the basement he wished upon me 5 years ago. I'm here, standing tall, and he can't stand it.

When he is nice, I start to believe, that he wants me to be happy (like a real friend). Reality is, and I know this, that he doesn't care at all about my me, his only mission is my sadness , to punish me for all the pain 'I've caused him', that continually reflects and burns in his eyes.

Now what? Now what do I do? So I choose to do nothing and let him calm down to where he can listen to me. (now that's optimistic!)

Do you think I'll get the chance? Are you as optimistic as my BFF, who would say, "I'm sorry, but try again"?

I know who I am, and I'll try again. If plan 'A' doesn't work, I'll have to go to plan 'B', then 'C', then 'D', or even 'Z' if necessary. It’s my next chess move.

All I know for sure is, I won't stop trying, and I’m not going to let him punish me anymore.

Please God, let him say "OK", instead of "we'll see", we all know what that means!

You can't have a rainbow, without the rain
You can't know happiness, until you've known pain

You can't see a star, unless you have the night
You can't have a victory, unless you fight

I walked through my life, always alone
There's been times I wish I'd never known
Places that led me to drift away
Piece by piece, day by day

I want the rainbow, so I'll feel the rain
I want the happiness, so I'll take the pain

I'll gaze at the stars with the fear of the night
I'll have victory, because I'm willing to fight!