Happy Fathere's day to you. I posted the 'what makes a dad' because it described you perfectly. I hope things are going as good as they can be for you today. Here's something just for you:

Apples Trees and Pomegranites
Sunshine and Rainbows
Sassafrass and Willow trees
Playing the digereedoo...(sp?)
Monet
Shrine
Niagra Falls
Mount Union

Smile
See you uptown NY tomorrow!

God took the strength of a mountain,
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle's flight,
The joy of a morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of a family need,
Then God combined these qualities,
When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete,
And so, He called it ... Dad

Just need to vent! Still! I know this has been going on for days. But he just keeps making it worse, as usual.

Befor each of my children went to bed last night, each of them called their dad. They are instructed to call him all the time, before, during and after every event they experience with me.

The control he instills is sickening to me, for their sake.
He even tries to control what I do with them, by making them feel like they shouldn't want to do these things.

He's been asking them on the phone a million times the details of what we are doing. I only told them we were going to take my youngest to get her nails done. He's been asking that poor child every time he talks to her about her 'wanting' to get her nails done. She really does want to get them done, but she can't tell him that. That would make her too much 'like me'.

She's hiding the fact from him that she wants to do this 'bonding' with me, and I'm getting angrier and angrier.

I have to get rid of this anger, I don't like to be this angry, but these are my babies he's controlling now and it is so so so very sad to me.

My only sense of peace and calmness is my BFF. He is always with me. I hear his encouraging words speak to my heart when I'm ready to give up. He told me to stay strong and I will. His advice has actually helped me with my children. (More than any counselor ever has). They are a lot nicer to me, even though they are being punished right now. It almost seems like me punishing them has internally proven to them I actually care about them.

I want to take them away, somewhere where he can't even call them, and just have time with them where he can't push his way in. This is a pattern he's had for years. Part of my punishment everytime I try to stick up and fight for my rights. He draws in closer to them and starts 'operation destroy'.

It's like when I stood up and called in the United Nations, he has to do everything he can to make sure I know who has the 'upper hand'. Trying to push me back down, put me back in that hole he believes I should live in.

Anyways, thank You God, for allowing me to have my BFF in my heart. I can feel his support, and quite honestly, its the only thing that keeps me going. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have even tried to pick her up yesterday. I would have just said, 'fine, stay with your dad', especially when she was crying, and she never does that. I heard his voice speak to me, 'be strong'. I even called him to report my success. He truly is my only Gem. I could never describe how priceless he is to me. Diamonds...

Please Lord stay close to your faithful servant.

God grant us the serenty...

Serenity Now!!!

I posted the "I am a POW", because although I left the marriage to end a war and find me again, my ex continues to battle with me. I am a prisioner still of a war he won't let end.

I finally have my daughter, took all day to get her. Then when I finally got her, he stood at the door, glaring at me. She got in the car with a note in her hand and handed it to me. She had tears in her eyes. Not wanting to leave him. Who knows what he said to her.

He insists that they keep their distance from me. So sad what he does to them, thinking he's getting to me.

Although I get angry , I can still walk through the woods peacefully. He's not there.

The note was a list of money he wants me to pay him that says "extra ciricular activities you owe me for". He signed my children up for cheerleading, never consulted me about it. Never asked me about baseball, wants half for pictures I never saw. Instead of asking, or thanking, he signs it ASAP.

This is his way of retaliating against me, for calling in the united nations and pledging for a peaceful mediator to help resolve some issues.

Anyways, ASAP huh.

Sometimes you push a mouse too far into a corner, the mouse starts to fight back.

Asking nicely would have helped your case. You're incapable of that, you think I owe you the world for leaving you without HALF my salary.

I have to play your game though, which I hate to do. I have to secretly make my next move, instead of being honest. I am afraid of the repracutions if I'm up front with you. How will you retaliate?

I'll tell the world though.

Checks in the mail 'drill sargeant'!
No soup for you!

Five years ago I was MIA
Walking through life
Existing
Lost in the person I had become
Missing the person who I use to be

A prisoner in a structure called home
Legally bound to my roommate
Desperately screaming for someone to unlock
the cell of my existence

You never cared when I cried for help
Motionless
Standing still when you heard my screams

But I found my way out
And I ran away as fast as I could
Never to return

Peacefully recognizing
"It's me" again!

But you can't let me be
With your gustopo control
and your manipulating tactics

You never wanted peace
You strive to put me back in your prison

But I let myself out
I am free
I am strong
I am me

The shots you fire
barely graze my skin
The vest I wear is bullet proof
from your aim

I can freely walk through the woods
I choose my path
I choose my peace

I am no longer MIA
I plea with you to end the war