webster's definition: d: of, relating to, or being an older adult

When I was a child, a mere teenager, I was constantly told that I was so 'mature for my age'. I was very proud of this comment and strived to hear it from everyone I encountered.

As I grew older, I no longer desired this compliment. Apparently, maturity meant I was old, or more frightening, no longer a kid. I vowed to myself, I would never grow old; I would always be a kid at heart.

This has proved to be my barrier against myself and my desired future. For what I want, requires much maturity that I haven't quite attained yet. I always thought if I could find a partner who understood this desire in my soul, I would have found the 'man of my dreams'.

But God has a different plan in store for me it seems. I guess, He actually wants me to 'grow up'. It seems this has been the focus of the 'signs' I have been asking Him for, 'maturity' has been His response to me.

I guess I could act out and throw my temper tantrum and yell and scream [kicking and screaming is the title to this blog] until I got my way, but mature adults don't do that. They wait patiently.

I got the message God! Please know I wish I was a kid when I was suppose to be a kid, and grew into an adult when I was suppose to, but it seems to me, as usual, my roles are reversed. Not only exiting my marriage, a true 'role reversal' than norm, but also as I go into tomorrow. It seems my 'theme' as it be, is to mature.... but into what?

I know I have grown a lot from my 'room'. I guess since I'm still stuck in my room, I haven't done all the work I'm required to do. I wish I knew what exactly it was so I could get the heck out of here!!

the moment of consciousness that accompanies the awakening is the acutest of sufferings. For when we awake, we are left with cruel reality.

Gale Sayers was a running back for the Chicago Bears. He was the number one starter on the team in 1965.

You might know him as the friend of Brian Piccolo, from the movie Brian's song. Brian Piccolo was second to Gale Sayers and was diagnosed with cancer that ended his career.

Gale wore a gold medal around his neck engraved, "I am third". When asked why he thought he was third, this was his reply:

God is First
Others are second
I am third

This story was told to me and my family yesterday during a mass that was said at my mothers house by a friend of hers that is a priest, Father Bob.

I had the pleasure of meeting Father Bob and his wonderful mother yesterday, sharing communion with them and dinner, and stories afterwards. His mother, Julia, was an extraordinary person to meet. She made me feel like I've known her my entire life and more importantly, she made me feel like I was "special".

I can't describe how or why I felt that, just that, Julia(81) made me feel like she loved me even though she barely knew me. Her very presence radiated love, and when she touched you or looked at you, all you felt was pure love.

In the short time that I knew her, I truley felt like I wanted to stay in her presence. That kind of energy was not only hard to find, but I guess, I was craving it at the time. Julia was there to deliver it to me and I thank God for giving me that gift, if only for a moment...

Last night, after I left, Julia woke up in the night. She doesn't like to disturb people, and tried to go downstairs to go to the bathroom, so the flushing wouldn't wake anyone. While she was going down the steps, perahps the dog was in way, she had trouble seeing, or we really don't know what happened, but she slipped and fell down the steps and fractured her skull and her broke her wrist.

She was found at 3:00am and rushed to the hospital. It doesn't look good, but its up to Julia if she stays or goes. After my conversation with her yesterday about wanting to go home to the Lord, I'm guessing she'll choose to leave us soon.

Please pray for her sons, Father Bob and his brother. They, as well as the rest of us who have come in contact with her, just aren't ready for Her to leave US!

She is the perfect example of someone who lived her life, being third.. although, she was first in many people's lives, she made everyone she met, feel first! You just knew from being around her that God was first to her.

Thank you for teaching me that Julia! I love you sweetie!

When I heard Father Bob deliver this message, I felt bad for feeling bad because I wasn't first or even second or even third... It was a message God was trying to give me for quite sometime.. and sometimes I got it and was content, but sometimes I didn't get it and wasn't content.

I have always been 3rd.. always.. .

Sometimes we are in situations that require us to put ourselves first. For some of us that is almost impossible to do! It's hard when we are use to being 3rd, when someone comes around and puts us first. We start to feel uncomfortable in a territory so unfamiliar to us... But maybe its God's way of saying thank you to us, for always doing what He asks of us.. like its God's way of giving us a 'first place' medal.

We deserve it once in a while, don't we?

Ok, so I went and had the most glorious pedicure I'd ever have had today! I was actually checking out my feet and I saw how beautiful they looked from the outside....

Then I checked out how the pedicure had smoothed out the bottom of my feet...the SOULS of them..

I still had some rough spots and it ocurred to me..

I keep trying so hard to heal the souls of my feet and I have to work at it everyday to make sure they stay soft and not hard.

Just like our lives isn't it..the FEET of all things?

From the visible part of our feet, they can look beautiful and flawless, but from the bottom...the inside, the souls, that is where our imperfection lies or stands so to speak.

I couldn't help but wonder, how hard I try to make the souls of my feet soft, and to no avail. My imperfections keep re-appearing. Although I don't let all see my imperfections, they are still there.

I try to correct them everyday...[counselors instead of pedicures]

and I keep trying to make my feet, my soul... PErfecT.

Perhaps the man of my dreams is out there somewhere waiting for me to perfect the soul...

the sole/soul of my feet?

Now that sounds ridiculous doesn't it!!

The bottom of my feet will never be perfect and neither will I, although I can promise all of you who know me this...

I'll keep trying to make them perfect!

I have a painting of Vincent Van Gogh's 'Shoes'.. I have always tried to get to the 'bottom' of that painting... there is an impression of the top and the bottom of the shoes, and it never ocurred to me, how he was telling us to look at the top and the bottom of the 'feet' that wears the shoes. What you see when you look at the painting does depend on your overall life experiences. Some of us see a brand new bottom, where others will see a worn out sole.

What would you see when you see the painting?

~ I'm alone ~

though someone mysteriously just knock on my door... it's after 12:00am

It scared me so much, I couldn't move from my seat to see who it was. I didn't want them to think I was here or able to answer the door...

I have no idea who it could have been. I would think someone who knows me and needed me would have called first this late...

OMG it scared me so much I can't sleep.

Was my tv too loud? There can't be a leak, I didn't take a shower tonight... My kids aren't here making noise, what the heck did I do?

Was it someone needing help?

I pray whoever it was is ok and didn't need me...

ugh! I was too afraid to answer my door..

I sure do hope it wasn't OPPORTUNITY!